Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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