The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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