I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
sarcasm needs its own font
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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