i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
