you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
