i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
