You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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