My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize