come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize