I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Let's paint friendship bongs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
