Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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