i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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