So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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