My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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