guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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