So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
