Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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