He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
