He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
