toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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