i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
