the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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