also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
