You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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