I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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