worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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