I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Will exercising make me less horny?
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