Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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