I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Randomize
