Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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