I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So squirting runs in the family.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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