I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
