he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
