Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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