he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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