So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize