I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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