i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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