If i come over, it means nothing
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
