Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
