My liver just broke up with me...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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