a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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