gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
