Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
