wat bout pragnant strippers??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
