so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
