Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize