i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize