Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
