areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
And then he peed in my hair
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