Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
