Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
