I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
