too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
