So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
