I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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