Your face is a jimmy john
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
