Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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