It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
