I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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