We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
