Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
