Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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