I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize