Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
